辽阔似水

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Don’t you thind I understand?The hopeless dream of being . Not seeming, but being. In every waking moment aware, alert, The tug of war----What you are with others and who you really are. A feeling of vertigo and a constant hunger to be finally exposed. To be seen through, cut down, even obliterated. Every tone of voice a lie. Every gesture falses. Every smile a  grimace. Commit suicide? That’s unthinkable.You don’t do things like that. But you can refuse to move and be silent. Then, at least, you’re not lying. You can shut youself in, Shut out the would. Then you don’t have to play any roles, show any faces, make false gestures. You’d think so…but reality is diabolical. You’re forced to react. Nobody asks if it’s real or not. If you’re honest or a liar. That’s only important at the theator, perhaps not even there. Elisabet, I understand why you’re silent, why you don’t move. Your lifelessness has become a fantastic part. I understand and I admire you. I think you should play this part until it’s no longer interesting. Then you can leave it, as you leave all your roles.

……

The anxiety we carry with us, all our broken dreams, the inexplicable cruelty, the fear of death, the painful insight into our earthly condition…,have worn out our hope of a divine salvation. The cries of our faith and doubt against the darkness and the silence are terrible proof of our loneliness and fear.

……

"Nothing.”